The Singing Clown

There's a small toy clown that sits on the kitchen counter at daycare.  It's been there ever since Kimran started daycare almost 2 years ago. It's tucked away in the corner and is hard to see unless you specifically look in that direction.  The clown has been something that Kimran has been silently afraid of - perhaps he's not sure how to tell me he's scared of it.  But I know he is because he's mentioned it a number of times.  One morning this past winter, I wore a warm jacket with a feathered hood - it was cold and snowy outside and I needed to keep warm outside while scarping off the snow and ice from my dashboard before going to daycare.  I buckled Kimran into his car seat and he came near my face and screamed "take off your hat."  I kind of laughed until I saw a serious (and almost scared) look on his face so I asked him why he wanted me to take it off and he said "because you look like a clown."  It didn't click with me at that moment so I just laughed it off as a funny joke.  Later that evening when I picked up Kimran from daycare, he slowly whispered to me "I'm not scared of the clown" as I put on his shoes.  Now that I was in that context, it made sense...I asked Kimran to show me the clown and he pointed to it immediately.  In my mind, I knew he was trying to be brave by saying he wasn't scared of the clown but really he was.  So I consoled him and told him that there's nothing to be scared of and I just kept thinking how this must have been on his mind all day.

Last week, Kimran woke up between 3:30-4:30 am about four days in a row and slept with us in our bed.  He has been sleeping through the night since he was about 5 months old and only sleeps in our bed when he's sick.  I didn't really think anything of it and again, laughed it off when, on the first day, I asked Kimran why he woke up so early in the morning and came to sleep with us and he said "I finished sleeping in my crib."  But as the week went on and this started becoming a habit, he whispered to me that the clown is singing in his room.  Ah ha, Kimran was scared of the clown he was "seeing" and "hearing" in his room and that's why he was coming into our bed in the middle of the night.  So I began to think about how to make his room more comfortable and safe for him so I put a picture of the 3 of us in his crib and a tulip he got from his grandmother's house in a vase in his room and explained to him that if he wakes up in the middle of the night, all he has to do is look at the picture and tulip and feel happy that he's not alone.  He has slept through the night ever since.

Kimran is a sensitive boy and I really love this about his personality.  He is able to show empathy and compassion when others are hurting.  Needless to say, we won't be hiring any clowns for his birthday party anytime soon.