They have a love-hate relationship. My son (K) and a boy the same age (let's call him D) at daycare have known each other since they both started going to daycare a year and a half ago. Now that they're 2.5 years old, they're into the hitting, pushing and scratching. One minute they will be playing with each other and saying they're each others' best friends and a minute later, one of them will hit the other because they want to play with the same toy and inevitably, my little K will cry.
For the past few weeks when I have been picking up K from daycare, the following scenario (in one way or another) seems to unfold. They're both putting on their outside shoes while D's mom or granfather (who often picks him up) and I wait. Something happens (it could really be anything) and one of them will hit the other which results in the kid who has been hit to hit the one who hit him. The adults try to diffuse the situation and then eventually they have their shoes and jackets on and we're ready to go. D will say "I want to go out with K" and will hold his hands as we head out the door.
Last week, while my K was crying because D hit him, D comes right up in K's face and says "you're a bad boy." I was so proud of K when he responded by saying "I'm not a bad boy" especially since I've been trying to teach him to respond with words...and then whack, K hits D. They leave the daycare holding hands and I continue the same conversation on the way home...."why did you hit D? Now we don't hit, ok?" and so on...
The next day when I come to pick up K, I am greeted by D's mom and another mom of a younger boy. I go say hi and hug K and this is followed by D putting his arms around K in a very loving way. The hug ends up getting tighter and tighter and I can see K getting upset and saying "don't do that." In the background I hear D's mom (who is chatting to the other mom near the door) "he doesn't want you to hug him" and continues to chat with the other mom. In the meantime, K (who is now being held even tighter by D) scratches D and I quickly pull them apart. K begins to cry and and I grab him while he's wailing, say "don't do that" and put him on the floor to calm down. D's mom is still chatting at the door and acting like what just happened is not worth doing anything about. At this point I am livid....am I the only parent here? I decide to stay behind to talk to the caregiver about this. When it's time to put on their shoes and jackets, D says "I want to go out with K" and I say that we're not leaving right now because I want to talk to the caregiver. We wait till they leave. The caregiver agrees with me and tells me that when we pick up our kids, it's not her responsibility anymore to deal with such situations. She said she would talk to the mother but not say that it came from me.
That evening while K is doing a puzzle at home, I see that he is struggling to fit a pieve of the puzzle. He's getting frustrated because he can't do it and then I hear him say to himself "I'm a bad boy" in the same tone that D used when he said that to him the day before. My heart just sank as I put 2 and 2 together and saw that what D said to him had really affected him. I comfort him and tell him he's not a bad boy and help him put the puzzle piece in the right place. The next day I tell the caregiver what happened and how this is affecting my son and how it's even more important to talk to D's mom now.
I'm so proud of myself for sticking up for my son. I know kids will hit each other and say these kinds of hurtful words to each other and they'll need to figure out how to deal with it. But right now my son is only 2.5 years old and needs someone to fight for him...and that person is me!
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