Facing the Consequences

Five minutes before leaving the house for school one morning, K says to me "I don't want to go to school today." Even though I was in a huge rush to finish making my lunch for work and get my bag ready, I knew it was time for me to sit down next to K, look him straight in the eyes and listen to what was going on with him. I did just that, and in my most calm voice said, "you have never said you don't want to go to school, what's going on?" "I'm scared to tell you because you'll get angry with me," he said while retreating under the dining table where he was finishing up his breakfast. "Remember, I told you that you can always tell me anything and I will always love you."

In a whisper-like voice, K musters the courage to say "I hurt [classmate's name] yesterday when we were playing." 

This is how the rest of our conversation went:

Me: "Did [classmate's name] get hurt?"

K:   "Not too much."

Me: "Did you say sorry to him?"

K:    "Yes, I kept saying sorry to him."

Me:  "Do you know that what you did was a bad thing?"

K:     "Yes."

Me:  "Well, I'm not angry with you. I'm not happy what you did and I'm glad [classmate's name]         didn't get too hurt. So why don't you want to go to school today?"

K:     "I'm scared about what everyone will say at school."

Me:  "Well you did something you were not supposed to do and I know you understand what you did was wrong, but you still need to go to school and deal with what might happen there."

I saw tears begin to form in his eyes as he went to the washroom to brush his teeth. I listen from the other side of the door as he sniffled and cried in the washroom and at that moment, I understood he knew the wrong that he did. I helped him with his shoes and backpack (which I normally don't do now that he can get ready on his own) and we headed out the door to the school car.

On the way to where the school car drops me off to get a taxi to my work, K says to me in a very small voice "mommy, after the next holiday, can I go to another school?" I told him he couldn't and that he needs to learn from his mistakes. We said our goodbyes and he was off to school.

I thought about K all day and how he was feeling inside. I also smiled at what I thought was a good parenting moment for me - teaching my 6.5 year old about facing consequences head on.

Helping Others

K is definitely the business man in the family - when he was 5, he asked the owner of the corner store near our house if we could sell cupcakes (and then money would go to buy a toy piano he had his eyes set on for a couple of months). She said yes and so began our first business together. Last summer, K had the idea of selling fruits and vegetables near our corner store - I knew that wouldn't work in Dushanbe, but I encouraged him to think and plan it out. He made signs, talked about his ideas and continued to ask me when we would start this business. Instead of stomping on the idea that I knew wouldn't work (no foreigner sells things on the street in Tajikistan), I decided to re-shift his thinking and asked him to consider selling things at his school and donating the money to a good cause. He was super excited and began planning a "donation drive."

For about a month, K planned his donation drive every evening after school - he put all his notes in a folder, brainstormed ideas and wrote up to-do-lists. Following an afternoon walk to the grocery store, K came home and said he wanted to write an email to his school director to talk about his idea.

The director invited him to a restaurant for a lunch meeting during the fall break. K shared his ideas, went through his folder, and the director listened. She talked about making his idea a reality and involving the school in a winter bazaar. K was super excited and continued planning with so much energy and passion - it was all he ever talked about. Teachers from his school came to our house for a planning meeting, the kids brought donations to school and we were in full swing for the winter bazaar.

The day came and K was super excited. The weather was beautiful and the crowd was excited and supportive. The kids sold the food their parents made and the holiday cards they made in art class..it was a great event. We raised about 140 USD! The money and donations went to a local soup kitchen run by the Sisters of Charity chapter in Tajikistan.

K's passion for helping people less fortunate was contagious during the winter bazaar. K's hard work paid off. He taught me that no matter how small you are, you can make a difference in people's lives.